How to distinguish a formal apology from sincere regret

Trust and mutual respect are the basis of human relations. But interaction is impossible without contradictions, disagreements, self-knowledge, and knowledge of the partner, which sometimes occurs against the background of resentment. The ability to forgive is a trait of a mature personality.

It is human nature to make mistakes, it is human nature to feel different feelings and act under their influence. Sincere apologies are easy to distinguish: usually, the words are spoken with remorse.

It happens that apologies are made formally. When a person does not consider himself guilty, but cannot clarify the situation. For example, with a manager or a client (who is always right). Or he is too ashamed of what he has done, and he cannot reveal his vulnerability. Then he shuts down and denies guilt for the act. It is important for such people to always be right. A lack of empathy also affects the ability to repent. In these cases, a person apologizes because it is customary. In order not to spoil the relationship, not to deal with the consequences.

Such insincere apologies are easy to recognize.

1. Most often, this is a set of formal phrases that are not colored emotionally.
2. Incongruity. Apologizing is a simple act. You have to deal with shame, which is unpleasant in itself. One feels depression, discomfort, and brevity. Laughter, and recorded cheerfulness help not to touch their experiences. Wants not to look pathetic or weak. This can include an apology from above: so be it, I’m sorry.
3. Repeated fussy apologies and preemptions betray a subordinate position. The one who utters the words of remorse, worried about not ruining the relationship, is overwhelmed by anxiety. Such an apology is also not deep. In the first place is the fear that you want to “talk about”.
4. The body of the forgiven person is relaxed. The pose is relaxed, the face does not express emotions. Most likely, there is no clash of feelings. Formally, a person understands that in this situation people usually apologize. And repeats the social pattern.

A sincere apology is an admission of guilt, a willingness to be in unpleasant feelings, to admit a mistake and one’s imperfection. Through forgiveness, you can learn about the value of relationships with others, conclude the future, develop empathy, and become closer.