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Those with a high level of emotional intelligence not only succeed in managing their sensory sphere but also know how to manage the emotions of other people. We are talking about principles based on the assertive approach – the goals of both sides of communication are taken into account. This is the only way to build civilized and honest communication. In emotional intelligence programs, managing other people’s emotions is the final skill after mastering the principles of working with your own emotions. An adequate understanding of how to work with emotional reactions and control your behavior will allow you to go to the highest level of EQ. The ability to manage emotions is an important skill for people in business, teachers, managers, company directors.


Anyone who learns to manage other people’s emotions will undoubtedly face some difficulties. For example, a person does not quite understand what he wants from the interlocutor. The lack of purpose is the main obstacle to such communication. It is important to learn to formulate a task, to pose the question “Will my action work for the goal or against it?”. The second difficulty can be the unwillingness to take responsibility for pacifying a conflict or a tense situation. For example, colleagues faced an overly emotional case. One of them wants to return to a constructive current and solve the problem, while he is sure that he should not take all responsibility for himself, since his interlocutor is also emotional. Of course, no one owes anything to anyone, but if you are going to regulate relations through the principles of assertiveness, then you should understand that the responsibility for the situation is on you. The Win-Win solution starts with self-control. A person with a high EQ is first aware of what he is feeling. Then he will remember his goal. Based on this, he will already come up with a way of communication.


When does directing someone else’s emotions turn into manipulation?


If all parties to the process know about the goals of interaction, this is the most harmonious form of cooperation. After all, openness and honesty gives any relationship more trust and confidence.

If after communication there is an incomprehensible sediment, embarrassment, an intuitive feeling that something is wrong, most likely this is the result of manipulation. The goal of the manipulator is to elicit an emotion that will reduce the level of self-control and make it easier to lead. This style of communication is common to many people in leadership positions, but in most cases, manipulation remains an ineffective way to achieve goals. In the long run, you don’t really want to get involved with such a person, which means that your personal social capital will suffer. And manipulation itself never guarantees 100% completion of the task.

But! Sometimes manipulation can be used in a positive context. For example, by doctors, psychotherapists or loved ones, when the manipulator acts not out of his own selfish goals, but out of the interests of his object. In the case of “positive manipulation”, the person must be sure that it will benefit the communication partner!

Algorithms for managing other people’s emotions.


If you have a reserve of trust in your communication partner, then you can safely try methods of managing emotions. If you are the source of an emotional response, chances are the person simply won’t listen to you.


A conditional scheme for working with other people’s emotions:

  • Awareness and understanding of your emotion.
  • Awareness and understanding of another person’s emotions.
  • A statement of purpose that takes into account the interests of both parties.
  • Decide which emotional state will be effective for both.
  • Create this state for yourself.
  • Help your partner to be in the same state.


Managing your emotions environmentally is a difficult skill. But don’t speed things up, learn to control yourself, work on increasing your EQ. Cultivate patience and acceptance of the other person’s emotions. Remember that if a person is not in an adequate condition, then he feels bad and his behavior can drive you out of yourself. In this case, we again recall the algorithm of actions given above.


What should NOT be done when managing other people’s emotions?

There are three most common mistakes:

  • devaluation of the emotions of the interlocutor. The person tries to reassure the communication partner that the situation is not worth the tears / anger / fear;
  • abrupt stop of the interlocutor’s emotions. Trying to immediately stop emotionalizing your partner with your advice and suggestions; 
  • unwillingness to listen. Sometimes the interlocutor needs to get support through your attention, and not a solution to the situation.


Depending on the situation, when it is necessary to reduce the intensity of emotions (in conflicts) or, on the contrary, to activate the emotional state (for motivation), different methods will be used. These are all skills that take more than one day and require colossal efforts, but such work will definitely bring rewards. The ability to establish an emotional background, improve the climate in the team and at home, find growth zones and constructively solve situations are leadership qualities that are so needed in the modern world. Successful training!