Why are we afraid? Where does all this bunch of thought and feelings come from, sitting in a tangled ball in the head and not allowing you to relax and enjoy life?
There can be many reasons, they are always mixed, and everyone has their own set and way of formulating.
Here are the main ones:
General anxiety, fear of cardinal changes, fear of the new, the unknown, freedom. This point is closely related to others. It can be difficult to be responsible for your future if before that there was very little independence in life when parents were too protective or controlling, and the person himself did not take responsibility before.
Accumulated stress, is the tension that has nowhere to go. You can find some ways to discharge: roll on Friday or hit a healthy lifestyle as a kind of addiction, escape from reality in any way, procrastinate … The bottom line is that a huge amount of fatigue and tension inside, even if not realized, takes the whole focus of attention, and there are no resources to move forward. When we are exhausted, we are not particularly disposed to the world.
Negative experience. Sometimes someone betrayed you, deceived you, or let you down. Some expectations about other people or circumstances did not come true. Having experienced something like this, it is difficult to reopen opportunities by taking risks.
The need to keep everything under control. This feature can greatly complicate life because everything can not be controlled by anyone, in any way and never. But if the fear of letting go of control is so great, then the perceived safety for the psyche is preferable to anything that can be experienced by letting go of control.
Comparison, constant looking back at others. There are several factors here at once: an orientation to other people’s failures in a similar situation as a logical course of events, as well as an obsessive desire to keep up with the general pace. Have children, earn money, etc. no later than others. This desire to be in time, to be no worse, etc., actually loads with tension and does not motivate.
Fear of failure – this topic is closely related to shame, high expectations from oneself, and the idea of one’s badness and worthlessness, uselessness in case of a possible failure. Something that you often have to work with in therapy for a long time, because it sits very deep.
False all-or-nothing attitude. This is not always a conscious inner conviction that failure, failure, and loss of profit will be fatal. In other words, if there is a failure – the end of everything. Everything is completely different, and any failure is fixable, even if it seriously rolls us back. Perhaps a new path will open up for us.
Fear of success. Paradoxically, it would seem, but often it is the fear of possible success that blocks our development. Perhaps they were brought up in such a way that it is a shame when you are better when you succeed. Or maybe there is some inner story about the prohibition to become more successful than one of the parents. Or is it just money – it’s a shame because an honest person can’t earn? The options here are different, the essence is the same – some part of us unconsciously avoids success.
In reality, everything is much more diverse and interesting, these are just a few of the possible reasons.
Try a simple and effective technique for dealing with any fear.
- Choose a suitable place where no one will distract you. It should be a separate room with a bed or a couch. Lie down or sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes.
- Remember your current fear. For example, fear of separation/water or fear of going bankrupt. Imagine it in detail, as if you were watching a movie.
- Imagine that what you are afraid of has already happened to you. In pictures and with all the details, imagine how you feel when this happens to you. What do you do when your fear has happened? How do other people react?
- If you have any emotions, do not hold them back. You may feel like crying, screaming, or laughing, and that’s okay.
- Continue to imagine your next actions and feelings when this fear occurred. Imagine in detail what will happen in a week/month/year / 5 years. What events will happen to you?
- Keep imagining this until you notice that your emotions subside. You can finish the exercise when you feel that you have become calmer.
- You can repeat this exercise daily until you feel that the fear has greatly decreased or gone altogether.
Most of our fears are occupied by the fear of the unknown and the fear of thinking about fear, so as not to “jinx it” and not attract an undesirable event.
By scrolling through your imagination of the intended outcome of events, you will remove the tension from the fear of the unknown. The brain does not distinguish whether it is fiction or reality. Your brain will be instructed to act and will feel prepared. This releases your tension and you begin to perceive your fear much more calmly.